Babies

Brett and I got married in Indiana in 2015. We shipped off to Vermont a few months later with plans to return to Indiana for a “real” wedding and reception in 2016. We found out we were pregnant with our first son Hudson shortly before shipping off to Vermont. When we left Indiana everything was looking great. We had a 30-day lapse in insurance due to the move but got established with an OB and Midwife team close to our home. Our very first appointment in Vermont was beyond devastating. It was a Friday afternoon, doing our anatomy scan, and the ultrasound tech ended up stopping before finishing the scan. The new OB and Midwife came in to break the terrible news.

Hudson had spina bifida. Spina bifida is a birth defect that affects the spine and spinal cord and occurs when the neural tube doesn't close properly during pregnancy. The neural tube is the structure that develops into the brain and spinal cord, and it usually closes around four weeks after conception. When the neural tube doesn't close, it can cause defects in the vertebrae and spinal cord, leaving the nerves exposed and damaged. 1 in 1000 children have spina bifida and every case varies. The most common is occulta and myelomeningocele and they involve a sac of fluid that pushes through the gap in the spine and contains part of the spinal cord and nerves. The sac is made up of spinal fluid and the meninges, which are the membranes that cover the brain and spinal cord. The sac often protrudes through a skin defect in the baby's back, and the nerves below the sac are usually damaged. This can cause moderate to severe disabilities, such as movement problems, bladder and bowel control issues, and differences in skin sensation. The severity of symptoms depends on the level of the spinal cord involved, with higher lesions resulting in more severe symptoms.

Hudson’s case was similar to myelomeningocele, except he didn’t have a sac. His spine, from his ribs to his bum was not developed. Totally open. We delivered Hudson in a loving but somber setting. We talk about him with our kids, and we celebrate him every year on his birthday. After Hudson Brett and I went through countless counseling sessions, crying sessions, and depression. We felt robbed. We were sad. It helped build a stronger foundation for Brett and me, but it is one of the hardest things I have ever endured. I have many more thoughts and feelings I could share, and maybe I will. Just not today.

Two years later we had our son Magnus. We were very protective during pregnancy and birth. We were almost paranoid to help ensure a healthy baby and pregnancy. Magnus was born in the spring of 2019 without any major issues. He was jaundiced and had a heart murmur, both are fairly common. 60% of newborns are born jaundiced and 75% of newborns have normal heart murmurs. His murmur spontaneously closed at 3-4 years old and thus far, hasn't had any other medical conditions or issues.

When Magnus was 6 months old when we found out we were expecting again. It was unplanned but we were thankful and excited. We relaxed a little but still felt protective during this pregnancy. Each pregnancy following Hudson felt like we were living on thin ice until the anatomy scan confirmed we didn't have spina bifida or any other defects. While I was closely monitored, I just had this overwhelming cloud of fear and sadness. Maybel was born healthy in the spring of 2020 without any medical conditions. Maybel was a covid baby. Vermont had just reduced the regulations to have a visitor with you during delivery. We were incredibly thankful that Brett was able to be with me during delivery. No one got COVID, no one was sick, and nothing was wrong. We were so grateful and felt like we finally had finished the ultimate marathon.

We had a rude awakening on April 30th, 2021.